Let it Snow!!!

The white stuff has been piling on us for about a week now off and on! This is the most snow I've seen in a couple years!! I LOVE it! Well, not the roads. I really wish they could invent roads that repel snow. Wouldn't that be nice?? As of right now I cannot see a single patch of, well, anything ground related when I look outside. It's so pretty! And the snow is falling straight down, not like a few days ago when it came at my porch at an angle. I had to actually shovel my porch!!! Right now, though, there isn't a single flake adorning my path from the door to the steps!!

Happy Birthday Sass!!

Only 9 days late here!! Lol. 8 years old on December 13th... My baby (well, big girl, but she'll always be my baby!) is growing up!!

Now, keep in mind we had just eaten lasagna for dinner, hence the red mustache, lol.

Happy Birthday Fuss!!

Almost 2 months late!! Ack!! Well, Miss Fuss celebrated her first birthday at the park on October 25th! Yay!

Here she is with her birthday cake and oh so stylish "bib" lol (hey, it kept her clothes most of the way clean, lol).

Finally! Some Pics of my Kids!!

I was looking through my blog today and realized it is bland. The purple is pretty, yes, but it needs more! Then I remembered that I promised you all a pic of Fuss in a Bum Genius so, here she is in a yellow BG One Size pocket diaper!!



And them some of them all for you aweing pleasure!

Sass


Queeny


Captain


Prince


And another of Fuss

Well, I'm back with a new outlook!!

So, I was pretty down last time I posted anything, lol. I probably made you all roll your eyes in annoyance at my 'pity-me' show. Well, that is over and has been for a while!

I've moved on. I still don't have a job and my financial situation is worse than the last time I posted, but that is trivial in comparison to what I've come to learn. I made the concious and not so concious decision to be happy. I was such a pessimist when I was with my ex. I irritated myself at that time and I don't see how ex can stand being so down constantly! Being away from the negativity he brought has shown me that there is a bright side to this life. There is something to hope for. There is something to work for and a reason to dream. My current motto is "Things will work out eventually. I just have to wait for eventually to get here." and I've decided that I don't need to be the portrait of grief and despair. I can choose to not think about a problem if the solution is out of my hands at the moment, and that is what I'm doing. If you see me on the streets you wouldn't know that I'm dealing with anything tough at the moment because I've chosen happiness! Now, don't get me wrong, I am not totally ignoring my problems. They are obviously still there, alive and well just as my heart is beating in my chest. However, it makes me miserable to dwell on them when I am unable to take care of them. Who wants to make themselves miserable? Not me. So, I refuse to think about it until I can do something about it. When the solution is within my reach it isn't so depressing, thus sparing me the dull ache I felt before.

So, this is a new me. Happy, optimistic and annoyingly cheerful!!

Merry Christmas!

Hard Time....

I really am having a bad day...

I just feel very alone and feel like things will never look up. I don't see how on earth I can actually make things work right now. I can't pay all of my bills and buy food and get haircuts, shoes, jeans, etc on the little bit the ex is giving me. What's so different about today?? I see posts by others about their husbands, about buying houses, about moving forward in life and here I am... stuck... Not able to move forward because I don't have the experience/equipment/talent I need to make a living on my own. I don't regret being a sahm for those years, but now that I need to work I can't. I can't even get a job doing work typically done by high school students after school or by recent high school graduates. I don't know why... I have as much, if not more, experience than them. I have a more open schedule than them. I just need to get out of this place. I have neighbors that are making my life hell, the rest of the 'neighborhood' is junk. People getting drunk and passing from home to home, children playing in the roads after dark with no adults in sight (and I'm talking 2-7 year olds, not that older than 7 is any better...) And then there's the whole 'who wants to date a mother of 5' thing. Even if I knew how to meet people I'd drive them away with my family size. So, I am destined to be alone for the rest of my life.

Divorcing....

Yep, finally happening. I'm getting a divorce. So far, things have gone from bad, to ok, to worse, to civil between us. We are discussing our divorce in a civil manner tonight. The only problem to come up so far is who gets the lcd tv, lol. I want it because it's mounted to the wall and the kids can't reach it. He wants it because the old 27 in tube tv is horrible with the xbox and he can't connect a computer to it. Either way, one of us will get it and a new one will be purchased later on for the one with the crt.

Oh, another problem is the baby. He wants me to have sole custody of the kids, but he wants to take her overnight at times. That would be reasonable if she wasn't breastfed. I'm fine with him taking her overnight once she is weaned, but that won't be until she is 18-24 months hopefully.

Oh, I really hope things go smoothly now that we have both come to terms with the divorce. He's moving out this weekend (I think... I hope) and I need to find a part time job and (unfortunately) apply for financial aid to get us by until I can make it on my own.

So, that's why my posts have been a rare sighting lately. With all of the yuck that's gone on this summer I've been stressed and overwhelmed and haven't had much good to say.